Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
