Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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