Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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