my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
