It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
