no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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