youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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