GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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