Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
