Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
