Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
