FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
