Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
