I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize