YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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