I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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