forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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