You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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