At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I have vodka in my lungs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
