Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
