I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize