you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
