..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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