End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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