Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Congratulations! We have a period
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