I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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