How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
