So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
