I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
