i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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