dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
