ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
