just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
