Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
