I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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