i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
