Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize