I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
