Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
