It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this will be a night to untag.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
