In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Randomize
