Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
