he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
