it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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