when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
