evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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