I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
