shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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