i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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