If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
