There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He better not be in your backpack
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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