singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize