totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
