wanna go halves on a baby?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
