had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just want to make out with him forever
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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