I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
