he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
