if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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