I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
well you can't waste a boner
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
