Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
