Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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