Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
