if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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