you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
