I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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