420 ftw
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
