Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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