they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
