I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so much tequila, so little girl.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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