too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
