i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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