I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
