yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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