how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Found the puke drawer
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
