When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
