SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize