farters have to be the big spoon...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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