he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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