A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
